Why Comparison in College Feels so Intense

When you’re in college, you’re trying to figure out who you are as an adult. You’re trying to find your identity, separate from that of your family, and who you were as an adolescent. This time period can come with a lot of confusion. Sometimes, in the process of trying to figure out who we are, we might compare ourselves to the people who seemingly have it all together.

When we compare ourselves to others, often what we’re feeling is envy. Envy happens when another person has something we want and don’t have. When we’re comparing ourselves to others, we’re focusing on what we don’t have. But when we focus on what we do have, the comparison stops. You may be surrounded by people who are certain of what they want to do. You may feel like the only one who doesn’t know.

Pressure to Build Your Future

In college, there is pressure to declare a major and find your career path. A lot of students feel like they need to have it all figured out right now. A lot of college students feel like they’re the only person who still doesn’t know what they want to do. Suddenly, you’re faced with a lot of choices, and the freedom to do whatever you want. With this freedom can come a lot of confusion and anxiety, and questions such as “Who am I? What am I good at? What do I want to do with the rest of my life? What if I never figure it out?” The shift in identity can feel confusing and overwhelming; you might find that you’re losing interest in the things you enjoyed as a teen, but you’re not sure what else is out there for you.

‍The truth is that you don’ t have to have it all figured out right now. You have your whole life to figure it out. A lot of people make career changes long after they graduate from college. Some people choose a career path completely different from their major. You don’t have to have the answer today. Choose the major that interests you the most regardless of what other people think. Remember, this is your life and your education. No one else can decide what’s best for you but you.

When you were a teen, other people made the decisions for you. Now that you’re an adult, you get to make the decisions yourself. You never know, your major could be something you didn’t expect to enjoy! With time, you will figure out the career path that’s best for you. So don’t worry.

You don’t have to have it all figured out today!

Identity is Still Forming

You’re not just trying to figure out your major and your career. You’re also trying to figure out who you are as an independent adult. This may be the first time you’re truly on your own, and that can feel very lonely and very scary. You may miss the support you got in high school.

You might also find that a lot of your relationships are starting to change. Friendships that you’ve had since childhood start to grow distant as you and your childhood friends grow into who you are as adults. You might go through a few different friend groups before you finally find your niche. You may find that the types of friends you had as a teen may not be the same types of friends you have as an adult. You might be surprised to find out who your friends actually are!

You’re going through a major transformation. As you transform, your relationships start to transform too. A lot of things are shifting right now, and that shift can be very overwhelming.

To help yourself with this transition, ask yourself “What are my values? What are the things that are really important to me?” Connecting with your values can help you discover who you are.

Remember, it’s okay to allow yourself to change.

Things are shifting right now, and it’s okay to allow things to change

Shifting Away From Comparison

As you navigate all these major life changes, you may find that you’re comparing yourself to others in an attempt to figure out who you are. You may be thinking to yourself: “Who do I want to be?” Comparing yourself to others isn’t going to help you answer that question.

So what will?

Trusting your values as your internal compass is a start. Allow your values to guide you toward what feels best for you.

Gravitating toward what makes you feel happy and alive is another step.

Who are the people who make you feel good about yourself? What classes are you enjoying the most? Don’t worry about the expectations of others. What actually makes you happy?

When you focus on what truly makes you happy, the comparison stops.

Don’t worry about making others happy. Focus on making yourself happy, and the noise will stop.